Faith

Over the last few years...I've been through alot...and my faith in God has taken a beating. Hmm...Not sure if my faith in God has taken as much of a beating as my faith in "God's People".



I'm not attempting to sound as if I'm a little angel or that I have done everything perfectly leading up to my separation and divorce. However, "The Church" / "God's People" were less than loving during it all.

The day that I moved out from my ex wife....she had attempted a "sneak attack" and had invited some people over for an "intervention". She laid out her case against me....I had nothing to say. I could have attacked her in front of these so called friends...I had solid evidence of her failures in the marriage...but what good would that have done? In my mind the marriage was already dead....I already had an apartment...It was just a matter of timing. So, I just moved out.

I was judged by people who considered me their best friend , as well as, the church I attended; with people who barely knew me. What was the crime ? Owning up to the truth ! Owning up to the fact, that this marriage had been dead for years and that we were only together for the children ? I will own and take responsibility for the way I ended up moving out...I should have sat the ex wife down and told her 2 months earlier of my intent on ending the marriage. However, I was a coward. I kept dragging out the inevitable. I should have been more of a man and just ended it instead of dragging it out.

However, the "Church / God's People" were silent to me except for a couple of very cold letters telling me how horrible I was....the disappointment I was....I NEVER got a letter or phone call asking me how I was...or are you ok ?

The reaction of "The Church" sent me into a downward spiral on my already faltering faith. As a conservative christian, I was struggling with being Gay and aligning myself to the Bible. I remained out of church for almost 4 years and my relationship with God damaged to the point of almost unbelief.

In 2008, I began attending a Progressive Church which accepts both straight and gay, equally. I am making the right steps...but far from where I would hope to be by now. I, truly, believe in a personal relationship with Jesus. A relationship that is about love, acceptance, worship, obedience. A relationship that causes me to be more like him...a more loving person.

God...Help me put some of this past behind me....Help me trust you....Help me believe that you love me for who I am...because you created me in your image....And you don't make mistakes.